Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Deja Bye Week...

As you know, I am, as are we all, a person of many flaws.  Self awareness, however, is not one of them.  I am in touch with my flaws...I accept them...if you want to get all 21st century, talk show-y about it, I own them.  Among them...though I don't necessarily consider all of these flaws, I have been told others do...we find my strong, often vocal, and frequently as unchangeable as the solar system (?  NO.), the tides, weather, tectonic plates (?  NO.), the rising moon, the setting sun, Stonehenge, the East Coast being infinitely superior to the West Coast, opinions, my failing memory for all things relevant that remains freakishly on point when the people on Law & Order, for example, cast a new police captain and expect me not to notice that years before she was a crackhead defendant's mother, my MILD sports obsession, my love for, if from time to time perceived inappropriate use of, dark humor, my honesty which some people prefer to characterize as unfiltered bluntness...and on my occasional lack of a filter, which I have heard described as abrasiveness...to which I am the tiniest bit tempted to say, "F*ck 'em if they can't take a joke," but that is WAY too obvious a joke so let's just move on.

I felt a quick reminder of these "short-comings" was in order as we dive into the headline this morning that, frankly, gave me such giggles my puppies might have had a taste of my coffee!
"T.O. Rushed to ER for Overdose!"

I have never liked Terrell Owens.  I accepted T.O. to the best of my ability when he played for my beloved Eagles, much as I do now with Michael Vick, but I have never liked the man.  He is a self-centered fame whore who would likely be better served as, I don't know, a boxer, perhaps, because being a team player is well beyond his reach.  When the Eagles were rid of him, I popped prosecco!!!  And when it turned out that Dallas was to be his new home?  Ohhhhh...It was like Christmas, my birthday, and my anniversary all wrapped up into one!!!  Which, happy non-sequitur, they are...Dec 25, 26, 27...which means I always get shafted on prezzies...so get shopping, people!!!  Princess says PUH-LEASE!!!  Giggles.  But, as usual, I digress... It just so happened that I was back, living in Texas for the second time, that season...so I could get to all the divisional games.

On the matter of divisional rivalries and my MILD sports obsession...my Iggles are in the NFC East.  This division also includes the Giants...who we hate, not only as divisional rivals, but in the same way as we do the Jets...with the exception, of course, of Joe Namath, whom we LOVE...hello, straight man in hose and fur playing football, there is just nothing not to love...but they call themselves the NY Giants, though they play, and in many, if not most, cases, live in NJ...the Cowgirls, who we hate as divisional rivals and because they call themselves "America's Team"...and the Redskins.  The Redskins present a unique problem as Husband is, yet again, wrong, clearly, because he is a 'Skins fan!  With my obsession and propensity to speak my mind, you can imagine it gets a little heated at the Preppy Pink Palace during those games.  Sleeping on the couch because a 'Skins fan doesn't deserve my guest room is one of the gentler, recurrent themes.  Husband is also a Penguins fan.  Did you know that you can learn how to tie a noose on Google?  I have a stuffed penguin that does!

I proudly sported my McNabb Eagles jersey to Texas Stadium to watch the Cowboys lose their first game against the Eagles with T.O. as a Cowgirl.  To this day, I'm pretty sure he saw me mocking him from the stands.  As an Eagle, he spent far more time making drama and headlines than making plays and touchdowns.  The same was the case when he became a Cowboy.  He had spent nearly every week in the 2005 season, as an Eagle, in the headlines, and again in 2006 as a Cowboy...

Until the Bye Week...

It was the Cowboys' first bye week of 2006 and something horrible happened....well, horrible if you're T.O...a bye week meant no headlines.  And, as it happens, T.O. would rather (picture a sort of Scarlett O'Hara back of hand to forehead pose here) die than not have the attention his inner fame whore feeds on as if it were air...or a nonfat PSL!  Ohhhh...now I really want a PSL!!!  DAMN!  Focus...focus...ok...moving on... 35 vicodin and a trip to the ER later...guess who was all over the headlines!?!  Suicide attempt?  "Bad Reaction"?  Cry for help?  Cry for publicity?

Fast Forward to 2011...T.O., currently a free agent, announces  that he is retiring...as a joke...and no one cared.  He also announced that his knee is healed and he is ready and fit to play.  Step right up people...the oft injured, 37yr old, prima donna is ready and waiting for your call...and the bidding war he was certain would ensue.  The phone, however, failed to ring.  When faced with no headlines, no calls, no interest, no...well...nothing...T.O. went with what had worked in the past.  Time to OD!  Again, 911 was called immediately...no actual cause for concern...he wouldn't do anything to hurt himself...not for real.  And again...he has, among other things, claimed that this was a "Bad Reaction."  All I could do was laugh and remember back to the 2006 "OD."
Perhaps we ought to add to my list of flaws what might be what, by some, be considered callousness and skepticism...but I'm good with that.  It's not that I'm being cruel, I'm simply looking at it all through realistic colored glasses...and enjoying the hell out of it!  Karma, T.O., karma.  There's a reason that phone isn't ringing...



  1. I have never been a TO fan either. Glad others have finally realized he is not worth it.
    I feel ya on the present situation. My b'day is Christmas day

  2. The B'day thing is no fair! Everyone gives you that one prezzie and says it's for both...very psychologically scarring for a child. HA! I despised T.O. from pretty much the first time he put on an Eagles jersey...maybe the second. Whoops...I just had to cut a ton from this response because it turned into the beginning of a new post! Guess I ought to go write it!!! HA!!!