Monday, June 4, 2012


First, my I say, I'm terribly sorry for having been missing lately...I've been adjusting to...not 1, but 2 new meds.  I don't know about you, but I LOVE medicines that were created for something else and then suddenly the medical community realizes...whoopsie!  For example...did you know that Viagra was created for pulmonary hypertension.  Isn't that FANTASTIC?!?  I LOVE it!!!  One of my meds was created to ward off/treat MALARIA!!!  That's right people, you can get malaria and I can't!  Jealous much?  You are...don't lie.

I ADORE my rheumatologist.  He is a fantastic doctor, really listens, and you can tell he absolutely has his patients best interests at heart.  This is probably why I always have to wait for at least an hour for my appointment...Grrrrr.  BUT...the minute I see him, the rage brought on be the waiting dissipates.  You see...this amazing doctor is a Sikh.  For those who don't know, Sikh's wear turbans.  My rheumatologist doesn't just wear a turban...he WORKS a turban.  It is soooo awesome!!!  He coordinates his entire ensemble...even his socks!!!  I LOVE this man!!!

BUT...he wants to add a new med to my cocktail.  He thinks its time to add one of a group of meds called "Biologics."  Maybe it's just me...but that just SCREAMS cooties!  The fact is, they are similar to vaccines.  They are a group of medications made by biological, rather than chemical means.  In theory, that should be a good thing, right?  When I shop for groceries, I always go with the most natural choices and organics.  So it would seem to follow that I would feel the same way about medications...right?  WRONG!!!!

First of all, they are administered by either needle or infusion.  I may or may not have shared this with you in the past...but I have a violent, pathological, terrifying needle phobia.  Lots of people dislike needles...but that is sooo not even close.  Just writing this, my heart is racing, I'm starting to sweat, see double, my heart is racing and there is xanax in my immediate future.  As a matter of fact...wait one...

Ok...let's hope that helps.  You have understand...when I say violent, I MEAN violent.  Sure there is the sweating and crying and nervous breakdown.  But then comes the biting, kicking, punching, scratching...somebody gets their blood drawn...know what I mean?  DH and I have developed a system.  It involves copious amounts of xanax, calling ahead to the lab, specific instructions to the phlebotomist or NOT say what you're doing, occasional additional techs to hold me down, and DH with a trashy magazine on the other side distracting me...and then taking me home and pouring me into bed as he heads off to work.

But that's the least of my issues with these Biologics.  They are, " living entities such as cells and tissues. Biologics are isolated from a variety of natural sources — human, animal, or microorganism."  What about that does not positively SCREAM COOTIES?!?!?!?!  If you consider having a lovely pineapple that is, in fact, a pump bottle full of anti-bacterial gel in my foyer in by collection of pineapples on my foyer table for EVERYONE that comes into my home a germophobe...then I suppose I'm guilty.  I also carry every conceivable  type of wipe in all my bags, antibac gel...and I can't lie...a small lysol or alcohol (or both) in my bag for public rest rooms...if you consider that a germophobe...guilty!

So you can imagine what the idea of a needle or infusion of COOTIES is putting right over the edge.  I do not want needles...but needles full of cooties?!?!?  

Kill me now.


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