Those of you who are sleeping all snug in your beds ever wonder what the rest of us are doing? Well, as a chronic insomniac...I've decided to share a little bit of it with you.
First? We're hating you. Oh yes...you stupid, awful, dreadful, mean people that are asleep? At around 3 AM? WE HATE YOU!!!
Some people read or watch tv...some get up and out of bed...some try to sleep...
What happens when you try to sleep? You THINK things...
You've all heard what I think about when I'm not letting my mind wander...so you may not want to read on...
Why is E! running a show called "10 Minute Workout" for 30 minutes at 3 AM?
Wind...in and of itself...really shouldn't make noise.
Do NOT comment with the scientific answer here...believe me, I already know it...and immediately after having said thought, my brain was filled with Mr. Wizard-y voices of J telling me why and schematics of air flow around an object and then air foil...and it was exhausting! Should have put me right to sleep...but no.
Why is Spandau Ballet on a Chevy commercial?
What is it with bike helmets and no more blacktop on playgrounds because it's not "safe"? It was good enough for us! And what about Erector Sets?
And then I got the giggles because an hour or so before, during a Friends marathon, Joey and Rachel got the giggles over Homo Erectus. Yup...still funny.
Why are there always fast food type commercials within 2 or 3 commercials of some diet brand's commercial?
Maybe it's a marketing scam!
Maybe they're in cahoots!
What kind of word is cahoot, anyway?
Thanks, Google, I KNOW it's an idiom...I guess I should have specified etymology.
Maybe if I could stop thinking about stupid stuff, I would fall asleep.
Who counts sheep?
I guess shepherds.
Wait...it's Friday...well, it was when I got in bed...if I don't fall asleep, when can I eat meat again?
Some people say midnight, some say the next morning...I've always liked to hedge my bets...I'm not going to hell over a cheeseburger!
Eating after midnight...
Gremlins never made any sense to me. It's ALWAYS after midnight, technically, so really...
WOW! I haven't seen that in forever!
Do kids even know that movie now?
What if they get one by accident and break one of the rules?
Maybe kids just shouldn't get pets in Chinatown as a rule of thumb...
Ohhhh..."Rule of thumb"...I wonder what the etymology of that is.
I wonder if it's like a cubit?
I'll bet it is.
I love cubits! Bill Cosby was funny when he was young.
My pink taser is pretty.
I wonder if I can get a bedazzled case instead of the black nylon it came in...
Can I have my taser bedazzled?!?
How humiliating would that be?
Explaining to your cellmate how you got tazed in the stones by a little 5'(almost)1...just give me the quarter inch and move on...woman with a sparkly, pink, taser!
How is it possible that there are times when there are NO reruns of ANY Law & Order franchise on?
Is that a sign of the Apocalypse?
Ok...wait...so...8 planets...5 food groups? Anything else I should know about? I think the continents and the oceans are still all set...I'm not touching countries!
Law & Order!
And then it was daylight...