Aliens Are Real...It's in the Bible

I don't know why it is...but I ALWAYS hear the strangest conversations in doctor's waiting rooms.

I believe it was the History Channel playing in the waiting room.  As I understand it, this was the waiting room...not the make new friends room...not the let's all share our completely insane government conspiracy room...but the History channel had other plans for my morning, and I'm quite certain that is was for no other reason than to test my patience with the other patients!

This can't POSSIBLY have happened.  

The woman next to me...it's a tiny room and often SRO...apparently has VERY strong opinions about aliens.  The first words out of her mouth and I immediately donned my sunglasses to hide the eye-rolling.
And so it began...

Aliens are real!


For the record, I do believe in aliens.  Not in the lunatic, let's sit in lawn chairs in the desert and watch for UFOs all night, sense of the word.  I simply believe it's incredibly arrogant and short sighted to assume that, in an infinite universe, we are the ONLY beings in existence...from primordial ooze to text messaging.  As for the lore...them looking like all the pics and drawings and insanity and propaganda surrounding them...I find that a bit absurd. However, I also think it's pompous and caviler and perhaps a bit pathetic for a "rational" or "reasonable" to assume that we are alone.  Just a little something to think about...
(especially considering I'm always right ;))


Back to the waiting room.  I'm not sure which bit set her off...but sweet Lord, something did!!! Aliens, you see, are living among us, and have been for quite some time!  Earth is a prison and that is why we can't get anywhere to see them...and when they come visit here, they can't escape the prison, therefore, they walk among us.  Just look at all the PROOF!  There's no way humans could conceivably come up with the technology we use on a day to day basis.  Though Roswell was fake, it was the catalyst that for the pairing of the government and Hollywood.  Most sightings are real.  As a matter of fact, the more they appear to be fake, the more likely it is that they're real.  The aliens, you see, are very, very smart...so they familiarize themselves with our movies and CARTOONS, and pattern their UFOs after them.  Those aliens are so sneaky!  HA!  Hollywood is even sneakier...they pattern UFOs after the real ones...to give the government plausible deniability.  Oh....but she was only getting warmed up, my friends!


You see, she had PROOF!!!  Now I know what you're thinking...if Roswell isn't real...what proof could she possibly have?  Ohhh...I do hope you're sitting...

Her indisputable proof?  THE BIBLE!  That's right...the Bible...primarily Genesis.  She was still going on about the biblical proof of aliens when I was mercifully called from the waiting room...but not before I learned that that is how people lived to be over 900...lepers were shedding their alien forms...or not adapting properly to their human forms...or that that is how Jesus REALLY rose from the dead.


And on that note...I have nothing further to say on this matter because...well...I just...yeah...


XOXO
~CAT

Through the Looking Glass... part 1

I live in the most bizarro town in the world!

I know, I know, a lot of you are thinking to yourselves of places you've lived, heard of, or been and think that I must surely be exaggerating...perhaps for sake of humor...or worse...part of a conspiracy to further the East Coast/West Coast-Tupoc/Biggie thing???  Oh no, my friends...no need to exaggerate...I assure you...you'll see!!!

This little town is very, very remote.  It does, however, have three claims to fame.  It is on Route 66 and mentioned in the song.  Some of you might remember it as the town where the McDonald's got shot up back in '97 and among others, a little girl was killed.  Yup, I live there.  It's also famous as the closest municipality to Hinkley.  Doesn't sound familiar?  Trust me, you've heard of it!  It's the name of a tiny bit of unincorporated desert that isn't actually a town...and...you know what, no...check back tomorrow for a post on my feelings about UNINCORPORATED LAND...so, Hinkley, not a town, but this grouping of homes calls itself and Hinkley, and when it requires infrastructure...courts or say, record keeping as it applies to, I don't know, underground water...they rely on my town.  You all already know this, because you saw it in Erin Brockovich!  Yup, I live there.


So, now you have a little bit of backstory about the most bizarro town in the world.  So far, so good, wouldn't you say?  And we're just getting warmed up!!!  I could tell you that it is a small, isolated town and move along, but I don't think that simply by telling you, I could fully convey to you a real sense of what I mean.  If I were to tell you that I was running to Walmart to pick up a few things, what would you picture?  Cleaning supplies, dog bones, candles, extra towels for out of town guests that you really don't want to make a return trip?  What about cereal, condiments, fruits and vegetables, cold cuts?  Well, if you lived here and you wanted to go to Walmart for the first list, you could.  But if you wanted to go for the second list?  It would take you 40 minutes to get there!  Target?  A book store, Hallmark, sporting goods store?  All a 40 minute drive!!!  Let's say you wanted to go out to eat?  We have a Chili's.  It opened about a year or two ago.  What's that you say?  Don't like Chili's?  We have that shoot 'em up McDonalds, DelTaco, and In n Out.  Don't want fast food?  Stay home...or enjoy that 40 minute drive.  


Your 40 to 50 minute drive will get you a few Super Targets, a plethora of chain restaurants...Olive Garden, anyone?  When you're here, you're family...a really sad family of style-challenged bad cooks...and we all think Uncle Joe isn't really over that little problem he has, so keep an eye on the wine!!!  Where was I?  Oh...yes...40-50 mins...Targets, restaurant chains, a Barnes and Noble, a mediocre monogrammer, a few sketchy "day spas," and this place that SWEARS it's a mall...the empty anchor stores and I, however, beg to differ.


Am I the only one that just noticed that this is soooo going to take more than one post???


Ok...so are we starting to get a LITTLE perspective on the small, isolated, remote, creepy thing?  Tres important to fully embrace the bizarro!!!  Just to really nail down the small, isolated thing...I should point out that between here and the Target...THERE IS NOTHING!  There is desert.  Protected turtles and coyotes.  ONE ROAD.  That's it. But lest you think I am boarded by desert nothingness on just the one side...NOT SO FAST.  There's a road that dead end's at an Army base about 45 minutes in another direction...the road only goes from this town to the Post...there is no other way in or out.  Noooo...that surely wouldn't go on the bizarro Top 10 list I am quite likely to write!!!  In the final direction...yes, I know that's only 3 directions, suck it up, it's bizarro world, we don't make the rules here...the next closest place after a small USMC installation that is only sort of there, is about 90 miles.  It's nothing but a freeway off-ramp really, however it features not only fast food...but, as God is my witness, "Fresh Alien Jerky" AND the World's Largest Thermometer!  


This is where I am going to end for today...because let me tell you, my dog just told me that the coyotes are howling that Stephen King just heard about what I've just written about this town and is already packing to move here because he knows a gold mine when he hears about one and he is thinking maybe his New England storylines are a little played out and that hotel from the Shining was really in Colorado anyway and everyone knows that anyway and I totally wouldn't blame him for using this joint as a setting as I totally plan to if I ever quit being lazy and just do it, so back off already Stephen...don't make me cut a bitch!!!  I don't care what you guys say, I can totally pull off saying that...shut up, I can!!!  Ok...fine...maybe I can't...sigh...


Soooo...if you're not scared off yet...more tales from I seriously can't believe I live here...


Ohhhh...and I owe you my feelings on UNINCORPORATED LAND either tomorrow or the next day as well...


XOXO


~CAT