Thought's of an Insomniac...

Those of you who are sleeping all snug in your beds ever wonder what the rest of us are doing?  Well, as a chronic insomniac...I've decided to share a little bit of it with you.

First?  We're hating you.  Oh yes...you stupid, awful, dreadful, mean people that are asleep?  At around 3 AM?  WE HATE YOU!!!

Some people read or watch tv...some get up and out of bed...some try to sleep...

What happens when you try to sleep?  You THINK things...

You've all heard what I think about when I'm not letting my mind wander...so you may not want to read on...

Why is E! running a show called "10 Minute Workout" for 30 minutes at 3 AM?

Wind...in and of itself...really shouldn't make noise.
Do NOT comment with the scientific answer here...believe me, I already know it...and immediately after having said thought, my brain was filled with Mr. Wizard-y voices of J telling me why and schematics of air flow around an object and then air foil...and it was exhausting!  Should have put me right to sleep...but no.

Why is Spandau Ballet on a Chevy commercial?

What is it with bike helmets and no more blacktop on playgrounds because it's not "safe"?  It was good enough for us!  And what about Erector Sets?
And then I got the giggles because an hour or so before, during a Friends marathon, Joey and Rachel got the giggles over Homo Erectus.  Yup...still funny.


Why are there always fast food type commercials within 2 or 3 commercials of some diet brand's commercial?
Maybe it's a marketing scam!
Maybe they're in cahoots!
What kind of word is cahoot, anyway?
Thanks, Google, I KNOW it's an idiom...I guess I should have specified etymology.

 Maybe if I could stop thinking about stupid stuff, I would fall asleep.


Who counts sheep?
I guess shepherds.
And Scots.


Wait...it's Friday...well, it was when I got in bed...if I don't fall asleep, when can I eat meat again?
Some people say midnight, some say the next morning...I've always liked to hedge my bets...I'm not going to hell over a cheeseburger!
Eating after midnight...
Gremlins never made any sense to me.  It's ALWAYS after midnight, technically, so really...
WOW!  I haven't seen that in forever!  
Do kids even know that movie now?
What if they get one by accident and break one of the rules?
Maybe kids just shouldn't get pets in Chinatown as a rule of thumb...
Ohhhh..."Rule of thumb"...I wonder what the etymology of that is.
I wonder if it's like a cubit?
I'll bet it is.
I love cubits!  Bill Cosby was funny when he was young.


My pink taser is pretty.
I wonder if I can get a bedazzled case instead of the black nylon it came in...
Wait...
Can I have my taser bedazzled?!?
How humiliating would that be?
Explaining to your cellmate how you got tazed in the stones by a little 5'(almost)1...just give me the quarter inch and move on...woman with a sparkly, pink, taser!


How is it possible that there are times when there are NO reruns of ANY Law & Order franchise on?
Is that a sign of the Apocalypse?


Ok...wait...so...8 planets...5 food groups?  Anything else I should know about?  I think the continents and the oceans are still all set...I'm not touching countries!


Ohhh!!!  
Law & Order!  
Score!


And then it was daylight...


You're welcome.


XOXO,
~CAT




 

Lifestyles of the Sick and the Famous

Oh...how I have missed you, darling, wonderful, readers...

Wonderful news...your Holiday Wishes fulfilled...

I'm BACK!!!

I don't want to bore you with all the gory details or whine as if my life, on balance, is anything but enviable.  I am an incredibly fortunately woman and my New Year's Resolution is to be more grateful for all my blessings.  

Darling Husband, if you are reading this, skip ahead to the next section, everyone else, keep reading.  I have an amazing husband (most of the time)...who is my best friend...has given me a beautiful home, cars, shoes, clothes, jewelry, and all of those material things...loves me in spite of myself...and of whom I am enormously proud every day.  

I have a fantastic family.  It would doing an injustice to the word "dysfunctional," to say I have a dysfunctional family!  Sure...a lot of people THINK they have a crazy family...until they have met mine.  DH once recently said to me, "It's unbelievable you don't have MORE issues!"  Again, feel free to laugh...I nearly fell out of bed giggling!  Who am I trying to kid?  I laughed so hard I snorted!!!  My parents lived, more or less, around the corner from each other after their divorce.  When DH and I went back to visit, before Mother moved to Florida, Mother threw huge parties with Dad, Stepmom, Stepsibs, Pop pop, her boyfriend, and my inlaws.  Dad flicked a bottle cap at me in front of FIL because his beer, that he purposely carries in his shirt pocket for the sole purpose of driving Mother mad, was empty...FIL was in shock...though I can't say for sure if the look on his face had more to do with the flicking itself or that I knew what it meant and responded by bringing Daddy his beer...and the finger.  We have had to employ a "NO F-word in the Dining Room" rule.  This rule backfired upon it's inception...when I got up from the table, stepped one step into the kitchen, and, well...you get the picture.  Stepmom has called Mother to ask how to deal with Father...to receive the reply, "When he drove me crazy, I divorced him...I not be the best one to ask," followed by laughter on both ends of the phone...and probably nothing good for Dad.  Grams always called me a "jackass," and when finally called on it, she explained, "That means I love you the most!"  That's just the immediate family.  For the sake of everyone's sanity, I'll quit while I'm behind!

I have spectacular friends.  Some go back so far that, in one case, as Mother likes to say is, "the first man I ever slept with."  We were 3 and went to the same babysitter...another who, well, we met one on her 16th birthday, which was long enough ago that we now celebrate our anniversary rather than our ages, and our anniversary is more than old enough to legally drink!!!  Wonderful people that I've known as long as I can remember...and, largely thanks to the USAF, fabulous people all across the country and overseas.  I am honored and humbled to count such generous, smart, kind, patriotic...sarcastic, quippy, maddening, funny...as my friends.

But, by way of explanation for my absence, here goes nothing:

There is nothing new wrong with my brain.  

Who knew?

I'm going to go ahead and leave it that, because no doubt you feel like reading all of my problems about as much as I feel like listing them...but, I kid you not...a doctor said, "There is nothing new wrong with your brain."  Yes, I know you're laughing.  I laughed, too.  I have just about every specialist one can have...but for a podiatrist (Look out podiatrists of the world, you're next!)...and I thought I had heard it all...but this was a new one...even for me!!!  Ask yourself what kind of response you'd have had to that statement.  I can't remember ever having laughed so hard at a doctor's appt...until she said, "...and I agree with everything in that book..except that Evolution thing...but anyway..."