Thursday, July 28, 2011

What's the Plural of Jesus?

In case you haven't been paying attention...well...WHY NOT?!?

I thought I'd take a little timeout and give you a few updates on people and situations we've met along the way...

Where to begin?  James Joyce?  Still dead.  Charlie Sheen?  Alive at the moment, as far as I know, but no one cares.  Bryan Stow remains hospitalized...there was an arrest...of the wrong man...and now they have the  two that beat him in custody.  The Dodgers are still broke.  Awesome donut shop?  Still a B rating...still DELICIOUS!!! Armageddon?  Not here yet.  Good, I still have time to pick out shoes!  

Crazy Creeper Lady has gone right over the edge...make of this what you will, but when I got back to PT from Daytona, she came walking into the gym with a truly frightening version of a pixie!!!  I couldn't believe she had actually done it!  She said she wanted to...but come on, really?  Suffice to say she did NOT go to A to have it cut!  Tres bizarre, no?  My sweet LAM is still as super fab.  IBS inspires me more than ever!  

The "plume" of chromium tainted water in Hinkley continues to grow...and for some reason I can not fathom, people continue to live there.  Even if there were no on that patch of dirt on purpose is beyond me!  There is no town...and it's POISONED!!!  Seriously?  Eat many apples, Snow White???  Unincorporated Land?  I still think someone made that up to mess with me...sort of like pumping gas.  I don't know what it is with people from states other than NJ (that's right...proud of where I'm from...ring any in state tuition bells?) with your towns that aren't towns and pumping your own gas...not part of my reality.  Disney World doesn't have unincorporated land between England and Canada in Epcot Center, do they??  NO!  They do not.  Do you know why?  Because there is no such thing!!!  If it was REAL, clearly Disney would have it...would Disney make things up???  I think NOT!  I like my reality just the way it is, thank you.  What?  What's that you said?  Not realistic?  I beg to differ...I needed gas...DH is some of you know, I took a poll on Facebook and Twitter, asking if, considering it's me and I have heard that rumor about me being entitled AND that may be something of a sociopath AND that I'm from NJ, where it is illegal to pump your own gas.  The votes were in and I texted this gentleman I call "Beige Bear" that Friday morning to have him come get me gas.  Yes, I absolutely know that he can not take his phone into the building in which he works and it would therefore be impossible for him to get said text until the end of his work day...but I wanted that timestamp.  By the time he got to his car and phone that Friday, he already had somewhere else he had to be.  Big shock that by that time he had plans and couldn't come do it that day...but I was able to point out that, strictly speaking, I had asked before he had other plans.  He was here the next morning with a Sugar Free Red Bull peace offering.  How fab is Beige Bear?  

Oh dear!  I just realized that I'd never introduced you to our Mayor(s)!  Can it be???  Ohhh...I'll have to give you fill in!  Not tonight tho...already rambling on and have a topic planned for tomorrow...I think.  I found airline bottles of Absolut still in my purse.  

I still adore Ronnie and my first "celeb" crush remains Oliver North.  Don't judge me...I have a handbag full of vodka and you don't!

Mr. Rogers?  Still dead.  Still sad...moment of silence for Fred...

And whilst we're on that moment of silence-y topic...if you're reading this at know what to do!  OMG!  I'm assuming that if you're reading this you must know...but perhaps this is one of those "teachable moments" from the list of men throughout history that I adore...I would like to introduce you all to Charlie Mopps:

Lyrics below are from the Clancy Brothers recording:
A long time ago, way back in history
When all there was to drink was nothing but cups of tea
Along came a man by the name of Charlie Mops
And he invented a wonderful drink and he made it out of hops
oh he ought to be an admiral, a sultan, or a king
And to his praises we shall always sing
Look what he has done for us, he's filled us up with cheer
lord bless Charlie Mops, The man who invented beer
The Jury's Bar, the Clancy's Pub, the Hole in the Wall as well
One thing you can be sure of, it's Charlie's beer they sell
So come on all me lucky lads at eleven O'clock ye stop
For five short seconds, remember Charlie Mops
One, two, three, four, five
A bushel of malt, A barrel of hops, you stir it around with a stick,
The kind of lubrication to make your engine tick.
Forty pints of wallop a day will keep away the quacks.
It's only eight pence ha'penny and one and six in tax
One, two, three, four, five
The lord bless Charlie Mops!

As updates go, I think I've covered everything I need to for the last thing...
I still think it's REALLY funny to ask a priest what the plural of Jesus is...
"There is no plural of Jesus, God gave us His ONLY son..."
"Yes, Father, but what if you have more than one?  Then what's the plural?"
"You can't have more than one...He is the ONLY son of the Father..."
"Yes Father, but just say, hypothetically, if you DID have more than one..."
This or some iteration of this can go on for as long as you're having fun/not going to hell.'s time for the rope-a-dope...gets them every time!!!  
"OK, but really Father, 'cause here's the thing, I have more than one, you know, because I have several Nativity scenes and I always put the (air quote here)"Babies" in a drawer because they weren't born you see, I really need to know the plural form of Jesus."  
The key here is not to pause in's all about the flow...
"Because personally, Father, I think it's be grammatically correct...and seriously?  Those grammar rules all come from Latin roots and all and Latin is a total Bible language, so really it only makes sense....but Husband/Sibling/Parent/Friend SWEARS it's Jesuses...which is not only wrong grammatically, but it sounds absurd, and I really don't think the Almighty would want that for His son..."

And on that note...


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