Saturday, September 17, 2011

Peach and Poodle go to the Vatican

I've been sick and haven't posted for a few days, so I wanted to pop in and share a little something and make sure you don't feel neglected.

For those of you who know me and/or read my blog, you know that I occasionally lean just the teeny, tiniest, little bit toward the irreverent...

That said, for those of you that don't appreciate such things or are in any way easily offended, well, let's just say...This Post Is Not For You.  You have received your warning.

As an aside, "You Have Received Your Warning" is the text from a road sign in Medford Lakes that I have always wanted to steal and hang in my garage, were I the sort of person that did such things.

Moving on...

I have a dear friend that I affectionately call "Poodle."  In case you don't see where this is going, she calls me "Peach."  She went back to school this semester and is taking a Philosophy class, the professor of which she calls "Crazy, Old, Philosophy Bat."  Anyone who took philosophy in college knows balance...philosophy professors tend to be.  I know I spent a fair amount of time in The Giggle Loop, a la Coupling, in my college philosophy class.  I had a huge final paper due when I took it and no matter what I did, I simply could NOT bring myself to buckle down write it!  I have always considered philosophy to essentially be nothing more than organized and accredited bullsh*t anyway, so I decided it was time to think outside the proverbial box...or...cave (homage to Plato!!!)  And I had "another one of my brilliant ideas (Blair Warner stole that from me!)!!!  I invited a friend from class over...we made a list of all the salient points we needed to cover...made a liquor store run...make sure we had plenty of batteries and blank cassette tapes (if you need to know what those are, let me know...when I'm done crying about being old, I'll brief it up)...and let the drinking begin!  Once we had had a few, and started feeling philosophical, as one often does when is drinking, we hit recordWe went point by point from our list and kept drinking and chatting and laughing and recording until we had filled nearly both sides of the tape!  We had to save just a tiny bit of space at the end for my piece de resistance...wait for it...The Philosopher's Drinking Song by Monty Python.  Easiest and most fun I have ever had on a "final term paper" in college...A+...AND he asked to keep the tape to share with future students.  You may worship my lazy, alcohol soaked, ingenuity now.

Poodle was in her philosophy class this week...and I would like to share with the you the text conversation...because it made her want to kill me, just a little, because of the Giggle Loop...and because some conversations are meant to be shared.

Last chance to turn back if you are easily offended.

Poodle:  Dear crazy old philosophy bat, do not preach to me that I can't consider myself a Christian if I'm willing to pollute the environment and waste natural resources.
Peach:  What?!?  Where did she get that?  Even the Popemobile has an exhaust pipe, b*tch!  So put that in your tree and deforest it, you dirty hippie!
Poodle:  She said Christians have moral obligations which "clearly" include not polluting or wasting natural resources unless your life depends on it.
Poodle:  So she would say the Pope isn't a true Christian.
Peach:  That "clearly" must have been on one of those tablets that Moses dropped.
Poodle:  *snort*
Peach:  Well, duh!  Our method of choosing a new Pope IS pollution!!!  Hello, white smoke/black smoke?
Poodle:  Bwahahaha!
Peach:  And not for nothin'...why just the Christians?  Why don't the Jews have this moral imperative?  Of course, they're already screwed on the bacon cheeseburger thing.
Poodle:  Well, they usually do vote Democrat.
Peach:  See?  That's another reason she'd say Catholics don't count.  There's no deficit spending at the Vatican, my friend!  No unemployment or homelessness either!
Poodle:  That's because they know how to live within their means. 
Peach:  Israel, however?  Lousy with 'em!  Giggles.
Poodle:  You're still bitter about your friends purposely eating burgers and stuff in front of you on Friday's during Lent growing up, aren't you?  Bwahaha!
Peach:  Moi?
Poodle:  DirecTV 246 (trutv)-Hulk Hogan micro wrestling = MIDGETS!!! 

I warned you!


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