Monday, September 12, 2011

Naughty List, Vol. II

When last we were together, dear readers and friends, if there are any...who knows...do you ever wonder about that?  Is anyone really reading this?  It kind of makes me want to throw a random, bizarro sentence or an "Are you really reading this" in the middle...like I always wanted to do in college, but never had the guts to do there, either.  I wonder which would be worse, feeling like an idiot when someone read it or feeling like a loser when your professor gave you an A and failed to mention it.  Moving on...we were exploring my current short list of those which require a "Come to Jesus" talk:

Pool Guy
Landscapers
Random 20yr old Illegal Alien/UCLA Student
Jeff Lurie
Governor Brown & the California Legislature
Depakote 
So far, we have dealt, though I could certainly go on, with Pool Guy, Landscapers, and Random.  This brings us to Jeff Lurie. 

Jeff Lurie...Jeff, Jeff, Jeff...oh, honey!  Let's talk!  For those who may not know, dear Jeffrey owns my beloved Philadelphia Eagles.  As a rule, I love and support you.  I bleed green.  I am an Eagles Fan.  There have been times in the past when we haven't seen eye to eye...usually over quarterbacks.  Kolb?  We'll see how the decision goes.  Garcia?  Play...leave...no...come back...no...get out.  McNabb?  Poor form.  He DESERVES to retire an Eagle. Despite 2 trips to the Superbowl we Eagles (Fans) have yet to have a win.  We were the first team to need it's own jail and court in the stadium.  For those who may not know part 2, this is a fact of which we are quite proud.  We throw snowballs at Santa Claus and "BOO" our own team.  We even had T.O. scared to come back into town for his first game as a Cowgirl!  We prove again and again that there are NO FANS as passionate and dedicated as IGGLES FANS.  When you and Andy decided to bring Michael Vick on board...when he didn't even want to come to Philadelphia, granted, he more than regrets feeling that way now...I was, to say the least, not pleased.  I know it isn't my place to judge and people can change and blah, blah, whatever, but I couldn't get passed what he had done.  He played his heart out and behaved like a repentant, changed man...and while I will never LIKE the man...I grew to accept him as our QB.  But, Jeff...Jeff, Jeff, Jeff...For the Love of All That's HOLY...$100M?!?!?!?  He's not the Pope!!!  I know what you're all thinking...that I'll change my tune should we FINALLY win a Superbowl...and maybe you're right...but I doubt it.  At the end of the day, changed man or not, let's just say you couldn't pay me $100M to let him dog-sit...and seriously?  The man PLAYS A GAME FOR A LIVING!!!  Hello?  That's a privilege!!!  If you've got that much to throw around, Jeff, throw some my way so I can fly home for games...I've cared about the Eagles far longer and far more than Michael Vick.  I have felt the crushing defeat of those 2 Superbowls...I know what it's all about to love Dick Vermeil and to know that no lead is too big for us to blow!  Maybe throw some of that money to animal charities, Jeff...in Mikey's name...AS PART OF HIS PAY...surely he won't mind!

*Of note:  I wrote the above prior to the Eagles v Rams game...I know better than to jinx anything...I'm just sayin'...


The Dream Act...or Dear, Every State Politician in California...or Governor Brown and your compatriots in the California Legislature, I voted against you, surely you recognize me, I'm the one who alternates outfits between an NRA hat, Ray-Ban aviators, and either a B-1 Bomber or Ronald Reagan t-shirt for primaries and, of course, a monogrammed sweater set and pearls on Election Day...because, as I understand it, I have the right not to TELL anyone who I voted for...so I feel obligated to make sure people can TELL by looking at me.  You're welcome.  So, this little Dream Act thing of yours...well played!  How do you envision this working for you?  You've given the illegals (again, I'm not trying to be insulting, I know not the current PC term...if this offends you...you're reading the wrong blog) access to public funds for their educations in California Universities.  Public funds for the privilege of higher education, one that many American Citizens find elusive, do they have priority access to these public funds?  Have you made this conditional upon application for citizenship...American Citizenship, also a privilege,   No?  Ummmm...why not?  They can apply for college, they can apply for financial aid, grants, and scholarships...clearly they are capable of "applying" for things...things they want, anyway.  It seems to me, if they wanted to be citizens, they would APPLY for citizenship.  Yet they don't.  They aren't applying for citizenship...THEREFORE they aren't paying taxes, with which to provide the public funds for future students, American students, to go to school, and they aren't voting.  That little plan you had about them being so grateful they'd be your voter base someday?  Not going to happen!  Let me paint you a picture.  As a military spouse, if your husband is stationed in California, after 30 days, with PROOF of his assignment and your military ID, of course, you are eligible to apply for a WAIVER to the state's residency requirements for instate tuition.  So...if you move to California due to a commitment to Service to Our Country, you can apply for a waiver for in-state residency requirements...but if you're here illegally...you are in some way more deserving?  Is this really the message we want to send? Enough is enough!  We spend a fortune trying to secure our boarders, watching the cost and crime rate skyrocket, and now we're offering INCENTIVES?!?  


You know what's weird?  Immigration has never been a hot-button issue for me.  The Dream Act just makes me so mad!!!

On to Depakote...I can say with absolute authority that this "medicine," I use this word VERY LOOSELY, is, in fact, a direct descendant of the devil!  It's an anti-seizure medication meant to control migraines and trigeminal and back spasms.  You may remember Depakote from it's uncredited cameo in 15 Pounds?!?!?.  Ahhhh...the good old days!  I fear that when dear Doctor said, "at least 15 Pounds," I heard, "15 Pounds," and may have missed the , "at least," bit.  Whoops!  I'm sure there is a lesson about paying attention or selective hearing in this, but...really, not feeling it!  After 5 weeks on this "medicine," I started losing hair again...after it had just started growing back in...grrrrr.  My migraines and trigeminal headaches became more frequent...you could SEE my trigeminal nerve twitch and spasm...ICK!!!  It gave me insane RA flares and it did not fight nice with my chemo!  It was hellish!  This happens from time to time with meds...that's why there are multiple medications.  I get it, I do.  I was weak and tired and miserable and at the 5 week point found myself on the phone with his office, 27 pounds heavier, BEGGING to not have to take it ONE DAY MORE!!!  I am pleased to tell you that he took pity on me...called back and switched me to something different.  Whether it works or not is too soon to say, but rest assured, I scoured the internet and weight gain is NOT listed anywhere as a side effect!!!


One Naughty List down...an infinite number go!


Tell me...comment, tweet me, Facebook, whatever...what's on your Naughty List?


XOXO,
~CAT


2 comments:

  1. I couldn't agree with you more! Come on Eagles, really?!

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  2. Hahahaha!!! Oh yes!!! E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!!!

    ReplyDelete