Thursday, June 23, 2011

Through the Looking Glass...part Duh

Are.  You.  Kidding.  Me?!?!?

It is entirely possible that word has gotten around town that I am writing this blog and the locals are auditioning for featured rolls...but I'm thinking it's far more likely case you're not keeping up...let me refresh your memories...I live in the most bizarro town in the world!!!  You can not make this stuff up!  I was driving back from the gym today and stopped at light.  I look over at the driver in the car next to me...hand to God...enormous woman, beater car, filthy, EATING CAKE, off a plate, WITH A FORK!!!  WHAT?!?!?  Are you kidding me?!?!  Is this happening this can not even  be real there is just no way these people are making it this easy oh my God where is my phone and wait what where is she going damn it!!!!  The stupid light changed!!!  If they're going to keep tossing softballs right across the plate, I would be remiss to not keep pointing at the cheap seats, my friends...and you deserve more from me.  (For those who missed it, you probably willingly accept the concept of not living anywhere...unincorporated...please, but for those who missed it...that was a gratuitous Babe Ruth reference)

You've already met my LAM...and he brought me a new Red Bull magazine yesterday...could he be any cuter?  And as I sit and think about all of occurs to me that my adorable, one-legged, Armenian friend is arguably one of the most NORMAL people out here...and he is a complete nutter with cutest little giggle...LOVE HIM!  Which is why I let it slide when he and my 2 physical therapists had a full conversation...IN FRONT OF ME...on my future...IN THE CIRCUS!!!  I'm sorry...what?!?!?  Ummm...ok.  

Did you just call me a carny?!
No!  Carnies are trash...everyone knows that!  Circus folk are way above carnies.
Not even, tho...It should be Cirque du know, because you could have your own act and it's fancier and sparklier and that's more like you.
Right...ok...ummmm....Thanks?  I'm gonna go get a Red Bull...

First...these are ALL MEN!  Second...this is MY LIFE!!!  Third...little tip...when people are laughing at the one laughing the's usually true!

You've met...and become well acquainted with CCL.  She wasn't at the gym on you can imagine...I was crushed.  Enter the crusty old battle axe with the walker!  I assume that by now you realize that this would be someone I would LOVE...cause I do!!!  She is such bad ass!  For being from California, her attitude is remarkably northeastern.  She frequently calls one particular trainer a bitch...she's not wrong...just sayin'...she does not hesitate to tell off any off the therapists when they tell her to do something she doesn't want to do...basically...she's just a joy to be around!  You know what they say, if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me...and she does!!!  And then she leans over to my machine and starts to whisper that she's noticed CCL watching me and talking to me quite a bit...naturally I encourage her to go on.  She asked me if I thought CCL was a little crazy!  I AM VALIDATED!!!

Lest you think bizarro is always bad, let's meet someone else, shall we?  We'll call him...gee...I'm sort of at a loss...if nothing comes to me, maybe you all can vote!  Well, he's from here...but as we covered in the small, isolated can imagine that this wouldn't be the ideal place for gay man to find a mate.  So...he did what any other positively gorgeous gay man would do if they were stuck here in bizarro-land...he packed up and moved to LA!  He had a great job, great friends...was generally fabulous...and the years passed...and his parents, who still lived here, got older...and their health started to fade.  He began coming home more and more often to spend time with them...and eventually he made a decision I don't think most people could have made...he left it all...and he moved back to his parents home to help them.  He found another job...not one he loved the way he had in LA...or that paid as well...but it didn't matter and he gives 110%.  So with work taken care of he reconnected with old friends and got to know some of the people that were new to town.  And with that he set about noticing the things in town that had changed...the things that hadn't...the things that should.  He joined the Chamber of Commerce...he volunteered when he could...he shows up to every single town event.  He completely dedicated himself to making bizzaroville a home of which he could be proud.  And THEN he really got to work.  His mother showed him a small charity she had started.  She called it Holiday Meals and her goal was that every person in town that gets Meals on Wheels should get a real, hot, traditional meal delivered to them each holiday.  He immediately jumped in to help with both feet!  He enlisted all his friends, old and new, to volunteer and help him drum up donations.  He had them invite their friends and families.  It has grown every single holiday since to so large that most of the volunteers only deliver a handful of meals a piece!  You have to consider the size of the town to truly appreciate how much of the town comes together to volunteer to prepare, package, and deliver these meals.  I have never seen anything like it!  It is as if half the town is involved...and Norman Rockwell himself, couldn't paint it better.

I was going to continue on to introduce you to our Mayors...past and present...those scamps...but...I kind of feel like I want to just leave you this for now...because it has been truly beautiful to be a part of and watch grow.

No post's promotion day!!!  



  1. Who eats cake off a plate with a fork in the car. At least you can't say it isn't entertaining.

  2. Sounds like a great town to live in. I love places with colorful can't get more colorful than a fat lady eating cake on a plate with a fork while stopped at a light..